What’s wrong with me lately? Sometimes I feel completely useless, like nothing I do is right. It’s like no matter how hard I try, there’s always at least one thing in my way that I have to be able to get over. Sometimes I can get over it, and other times its so much of a stumbling block that I don’t see how I can get past it.
I try not to make trouble, raise my voice if I absolutely disagree with things, because if I can’t offer an alternate solution that is fair to everyone, why bother at all? This means that a lot of the time, my feelings, my thoughts go unheard because I feverently don’t want to bother anyone else with this little burden of mine.
It seems wrong to me, that if I work so hard for something, that it doesn’t go anywhere because in order for it to move forward, it needs approval from others. Therefore reinstating that what I do is never going to be good enough for the entire world, or even the vast majority of people.
Why bother even trying to find work? I’m overqualified for a traineeship, I’m underqualified for other jobs. I do not want to sit in a classroom if the studies I take do not lead to anywhere job wise. That medical terminology class I took a few months ago? Yeah, that’s pretty much all forgotten because I’m not using what I learned on a regular basis. The whole aim of taking that course would be that it would make me more employable. Looks like that was a complete waste of my time and the government’s money.
The postman just arrived. There’s probably another couple of rejection letters waiting for me to collect them. Now, I give them a passing glance after I open them before I toss them into the recycling bin. Maybe there, they might end up meaning something.