You know the music from Jaws...

Every time I have a home inspection by my real estate agent I have the music from “Jaws” playing in my head in the hours leading up to it. Da-dum-da-dum, well you know how it goes.
I mean, it’s not like I ensure that the place is a mess. It’s actually tidy. (If they inspected my car I probably wouldn’t pass a tidiness test), the floors are swept, all used tissues are binned, all bins are emptied and the place smells vaguely like the eucalyptus oil that’s sitting open on the bench. Usually I’d have incense burning if it weren’t an inspection day, but all my incense gear is put away in a drawer and the ashbowl is full of soapy water, waiting to be washed. I just checked the smoke alarm and it is working fine. I will probably have to demo it for them, but I can climb back onto the couch arms and do that.
No, I think it’s always a bit of apprehension because THEY haven’t done what they’re supposed to do. I’m giving them notice today of when I’ll be away for the next book launch and then it will be up to them to organise everything. I have been told that I’m not going to be able to live there while it is being fixed so it’s good timing on my part. I’ll even leave out coffee and tea and milk for the tradies to help themselves to while they’re working.
If they don’t do that, I am going to have to put in a complaint to the rental tribunal or whatever it is. It has been over a year. I have done everything that I have been asked to do and they’re still holding back on their end of things. I get it, floor coverings can be expensive to pay and get put down, but the other side of that is that because of their neglect or forgetfulness, I have been exposed to mould and moss which may have affected my health (let’s be realistic, I always get a cold around this time of year and it could just be an extention of that as opposed to some evil mould monster crawling through my lungs).
I also know that they’re going to up my rent around December, yeah, right around Christmas, just fricken brilliant. It will be extra incentive to get it done on their part.