The Great 'what if' moment

I could be in business in less than a week.
How freaking scary is that?
I mean, seriously. I am completely panicking about whether or not I’ve got myself into more than I can handle...
What if it doesn’t work?
What if no one wants to by what I’m selling?
What if I end up back where I started from?
Yeah, reality’s starting to hit me. I’ve began stress eating, stress sleeping, stress everything really. That cannot be good for me.
I think I’m just panicking too much, but then I’ve still got so much work to get done, just on the paperwork side.
I need to get my insurance paid for, which means going to my job network and asking them for money. I think I’m going to make an appointment for Friday so that I can spend Thursday loading up my usb with stuff I need to print seeing as it might be the last time that I can use their printer. Let’s be realistic about this, that’s all I truly use them for, because they’re definitely as useless at getting me work in the fields I have skills in. Oh wait, that’s right, they don’t count my skills as anything anyway, just because of how they were gained.
Okay, step back, breathe.
Will soon be free of them and their judgement and their “You must think like everyone else to be successful in this world”. Remember how good that will feel.
And it will feel so good to be free of them.

Burning tiaras and other weird things of late

So, yeah, I tried to burn my tiara. Actually that’s not accurate. It’s not a tiara. It’s more like a crown that’s made out of plastic. And I wasn’t trying to burn it, I was trying to melt the ends together so it wouldn’t break open in the middle of the party and go flying off and hit somebody. It didn’t work, whatever I was trying to do. I don’t know if it was the wind blowing around me as I sat on the footpath outside (I’m not that stupid that I’d try to melt plastic inside) or if the plastic might be flame retardant but it didn’t work. So now it’s being held together by a plastic clip. If anyone asks, it’s decoration.
I know enough people with kids that I can offer it to someone as a contribution to their dress up box so it isn’t sitting around my place.
Not that I have anything against weird headwear. I have a witch’s hat which I love. I don’t know where it is (I just realised this as I’m typing this blog).
My car by the way still looks like a bug graveyard, but at least I can see out of the window without looking through bug goop.
Here’s a quick run down on what I’ve got going on at the moment...
 Saving money to publish Ferris Wheel
 Realising that my phone number was google-able. Yeah I quickly fixed that.
 Creating a twitter account... http://twitter.com/PKekewick
 Thinking about putting together another Ferris Wheel related video
 Plotting a new story and then beginning to draft it. I should be doing that now but I’m doing this instead. There are definitely some plot issues to work out there.
 Also putting together the ideas for my whole non fiction piece. Which could be why I’m not drafting creative pieces as much as I should be
 General house stuff, but if you want to hear me whine about that go over to facebook because that’s where I usually do that stuff.

Yep, I’m a busy little weirdo.
Oh and my knee is still killing me

It's all about ebooks

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/51690

It's all about ebook publishing this week...
Check out the link above to see what I've got for sale
I wrote this short story a few years ago and after much cullling I've published it as an ebook and also designed the cover myself

Playing games is ok as long as no one gets hurt... right?

We all learn how to play mind games whether we consciously want to learn them or not. We either play them with other people or have them played on us. High school is the training ground for this and will set up how we see these games in the future.
For those that play the games, it’s a rush of power, knowing that you can manipulate others so easily.
For those that have to play the victim, it’s a whole lot harder. As soon as the trap is sprung, they know that they have been caught doing something completely out of character.
In high school, students use mind games against each other all the time to manipulate their friends and enemies. Mostly it is females that use this tactic to subtle bully each other as it is harder to trace or prove that it happened. Instead, the only remaining lasting effects are left on the victims who, if they know that they have been manipulated, feel guilty and refuse to talk about what has happened. Those who are oblivious to the games being played on them usually find themselves repetitively falling prey to mind games in the future whenever the alpha female needs to feel powerful again.
Unfortunately mind games are a part of the high school experience and things aren’t changing. Technology allows these games to go cyber, with Facebook and MySpace at the forefront of controversy when it comes to cyber bullying. These games of psychological torture will not come to an end unless the people are responsible are made aware of the effects of their actions and punished accordingly. That way they know the true cost of manipulation of another’s life for the fun of it.

Poetry from the last couple of weeks

Close youe eyes,
Tell me what you see.
Can you feel my tears fall?
Can you hear my pained call?
If you could see what I see,
Would you still think that I'm fine?

My pain is pushed so deep
I only feel it when I sleep
There is nowhere I can turn
No one wants to feel the burn.
No one wants to hear my pain,
They are all to busy with their own.
I am truly alone.

~ ~ ~

Cry for the fallen
Cry for the moments stolen
Recall, if you can,
How it felt when you heard the news.
Did your heart shatter,
Did anything else matter?
Do you remember the feel of the tears as they fell?

Weep for the loss,
Scream for the memories stolen
Remember who they were.
One day it won't hurt anymore

~ ~ ~

Open your eyes,
Open your mind
Experience it all
Everything that the world has to offer.
Acknowledge the pain,
Feel it rip through you,
Survive because there is no other way.
Laugh when you feel it bubble forth
Find joy in everything that you do
be alive
Live
Because that's all you can really do

Venting

Very frustrated...
Very annoyed...
This story is NOT coming together. It’s still a complete and utter blur. All that I have is a bunch of questions that I can’t answer at all.
I think I just need to take a step back and assess the story. See if it’s actually worth developing it further than the short story it is at the moment.
It just annoys me because I’ve put in a lot of work in the planning stages, getting those questions writtten and now I feel like it’s been a waste of time.
So annoying.
So frustrating.
On to the next project I guess. I’ll put aside my notes until I feel the characters speak to me again. Maybe by then I’ll be able to answer the questions that I have.

overtired eyes

I've been writing a lot of bits and pieces lately. Mainly just blog type articles that I hope will garner me an income at a later date. I'm doing all the prep work so that when it comes to starting my business post-neis then I will have stuff ready to go.
That's if I get in.
It's still kind of in hiatus mode as I wait for them to tell me what's going on. It's making me really unfocused and a little jittery. I don't like waiting this long for an answer. I ned to know what's going on now so that I can make plan of attack for the next coupld of days...
I need coffee. Like really bad. This morning I got up, had a shower and then sat on the bedroom floor for five minutes just staring at the carpet. Really trippy stuff. My overtired eyes started playing games with me and it made my horrible hodgepodge carpet seem as if bugs were moving all over it. Kinda glad I didn't drive over to the library today (drivers in wendouree are probably also glad).
I hate waiting...